She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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