I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
How external is "for external use only"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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