Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
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I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize