Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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