I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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