Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
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my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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