i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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