When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
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that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
So. Much. Porn.
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