Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
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It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
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I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize