That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just cropdusted the office
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
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We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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