So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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