Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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