What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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