they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
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I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
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that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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