before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize