i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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