How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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