I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
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6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
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I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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