Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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