That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize