why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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