pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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