Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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