they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize