Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize