True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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