I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
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Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
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I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize