Is it because I queefed?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
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Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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