I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
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I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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