Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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