he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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