Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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