i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize