White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize