these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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