Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize