I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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