How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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