Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
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I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
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Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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