It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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