Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
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sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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