i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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