My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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