i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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