doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
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I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
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You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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