in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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