Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize