i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
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he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
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