i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I need water and some morals
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize