every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
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Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
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I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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